Jeremy Greenfield
Janel Spencer
Writing 101S
10/19/19
Living with the Hand You Were Dealt
I was born with Amniotic Banding Syndrome, (ABS) a birth defect that left my hands and feet missing phalanges. I am lucky, it could be a lot worse. To summarize, the amniotic bag which held me in the womb ripped. The small strands become like rubber bands, that wrapped around my fingers and toes, cutting off circulation, causing them to fall off, before I was even born. Due to how this works, anything can be wrapped like this. My arm could have been taken, or part of my head. I’m very lucky, and once I learned about it, I never forgot it. Throughout my life I have been told to embrace my differences and to make the most of them, and to not have people feel sorry, a lesson I think all people should learn.
I was always bullied in school, so learning how to move on and change my way of thinking was difficult. It seemed I was naturally born a victim. People beat me up when I was a kid. I was different, a freak, and was bullied. Sand thrown in my eyes, punches in the gut, and ostracized from groups. No one liked me because they thought I was a freak and a weirdo, and sadly being ostracized made me into a weird person.
Being alone as a child, I think we can all agree is a scary thing. It creeps into the fear that I think we all have, especially as children. That we are not good enough, that we are going to be abandoned. It was definitely the case for me. This sadness haunted me and stuck to me even beyond elementary school, even after changing schools during that time. It is like an odor I couldn’t clean off myself, I was a victim. I was to be bullied, kids always could sniff it on me. I was always the butt of any jokes, and the kid no one wanted to socialize with. Unlike many others who have been in my situation, my physical deformation couldn’t be changed as I grew up. I would not go from being the ugly duckling into a beautiful swan. It seemed between the two “facts” of my life, I was stuck. Being bullied because of my hands would mean id take on the persona of a victim, and taking on the persona would encourage more people to do it, causing more people to notice the freak, round and round it would go. A vicious cycle with no way out.
This is where I made a mistake, one many have tried, but I think is a mistake. I just pretended to be normal, I didn’t let anyone talk about my “condition”. I forced other people to change their perception of me not by their choice, but by force. I became a bully about it. I would scream and yell until they either backed off of me, or did not make fun of me anymore. I was to put it bluntly no better than the kids who had bullied me before. All this accomplished was isolating me even farther. I lost the few friends I had managed to make, because I was not being true to myself. I wasn’t being who I am suppose to be. A nice, friendly guy who makes people laugh. I was not some angry bully, or some jerk. That’s when I made the first step towards living with me as I am.
I went to a new high school where no one knew my past, and I could start fresh. After all my years of knowing what people don’t like, I tried being who I knew I was. I laughed and made jokes at my own expense, making people bond with me. People accepted me because I had accepted me, and allowed everyone to be in on the joke. Even though they laughed, I was no longer the victim, nor was I bullying them into it. Honestly that is why It didn’t feel bad, it was genuine happiness. It also meant I was not isolated anymore. I fully realized my gifts to walk in a room full of strangers, and leave with a room full of friends. I made friends when I was younger despite my social and physical opposition. I became a class clown, desperate for attention and laughs. I found other people who liked the same stuff I did, and we bonded over it. I learned to be more accepting of the hand I was dealt with in life (pun intended) and move on.
I’ve fully allowed myself to joke, to make friends, and to not allow my deformity to act as a wall between me and others. I now go to school, and despite my own efforts, make friends. At work everyone loves me and likes to spend time with me. It’s all because I accepted myself, and did not force anyone else to change.
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